Were you asked how-should or how-could?

Your Friday Trigger Question (tq111)

Mar 10

You're the boss. You get to delegate tasks and projects. But what do you do when they, on the receiving end of your power, ask you for help with the task or the project?

My suggestion? It depends.

It depends on how they ask.

1. "How must I do this?" "How should I do this?"
2. "How can I do this?" "How could I do this?"

No, no, no! This is not a play on words. If you want to be an effective manager (or parent) then you must learn to listen between the lines. This skill is even more important now that new generations raised on texting seem to think that many words, like should and could, must and can, all mean the same thing.

So what are employees really asking? In number 1 above, they are asking, "Since you're the boss, how do you want me to do this?" And in number 2, the question is, "Will you please help me figure this out because I've tried, but I'm stuck?"

To some extent, their way of framing the question reflects your management style. Do they assume there is a "your way" and so they don't even bother to explore options? Or do they risk thinking for themselves because they know you'll support them if they need help?

Is there a path for you to get from how-should to how-could? Yes. Don't tell, ask. Keep ask them questions until your questions guide them to discover for themselves what they need to do.