Backstory to: "Why Liking You Is Not a Recommendation"

Backstory #22

“I like you. But I’m not sure that I can recommend you.”

---

Reading time: about 3.0 minutes (excluding the original post below)

Social media is a misnomer. One meaning of the word social relates to the "welfare of human beings as members of society." And yet, social media clearly does not improve our social welfare.

You might not agree with me. And you might be right, because I am no expert. I now have only one remaining active social media account, so what do I know? I'll tell you what I know. Even in my one remaining account, social welfare is not being promoted. But I admit I have a rather strict view of Truth.

Here's what upset my welfare.

One day I woke to find that people had endorsed me on LinkedIn for skills I did not know I had. And even for skills I did not know they knew I had. It was very exciting.

No, it was not! It was embarrassing, disturbing, and annoying.

I felt embarrassed because it now seemed that I was boasting about all these false skills attributed to me. They had turned me into a fake.

It disturbed me because I had never worked with many of the people who so generously tried to boost my image. How do they know what I am good at? Do they not feel a tinge of guilt at, let’s be blunt, being indulgent with the truth?

And then I became annoyed. I realized I could no longer trust any endorsement on LinkedIn. Or on any social media site. (And don't get me started about fake product reviews.)

Before we go any further, let’s agree on the meaning of two pivotal words. Did they endorse me or did they recommend me? Is there a difference?

If you are willing to endorse something (a restaurant) then surely you must be willing to recommend it as well (the restaurant). Would you really endorse someone for a skill and then recommend that she not be employed? I understand that someone could have a skill, but may not have earned your recommendation. For example, “He is really good at that, but he is a pig.”

If that is the case, then why, if no one asked you to, did you bother to endorse his skill in the first place? By endorsing, uninvited, you have implied a willing recommendation.

There are few things as damaging as a fake (dishonest or unearned) recommendation. Fake recommendations destroy the reputation of the giver, which then rubs off on the (possibly innocent) receiver.

False recommendations destroy the desired outcome of making recommendations. Because I will not hire the giver or the receiver of a false recommendation.

Hence, I will not recommend the person who recommended me with a wink-wink. Even though reciprocity was surely the point of the nudge-nudge recommendation.

(I would like to thank my clients and others who have work with me for endorsing me. Or for writing recommendations. At least, your endorsements and recommendations have meaning. But not when shared on a social platform that dilutes their value through an anything-goes culture. Which is why I have now deleted all my skills (real and imagined) that were endorsed on LinkedIn. As well as any recommendations.)

Is there anything worse than being expected to reciprocate a false endorsement? Yes. To be asked, in person, for an introduction and a recommendation to one of my clients. By someone I had only met once before. By someone I obviously did not know well enough. It baffled me that this did not bother him.

Exasperated, I wrote the following post. I doubt if he read it. And if he read it, he probably did not think the post was about him. (Sorry, Carly Simon.)

---

Here is the original post:

Liking You Is Not a Recommendation

Reading time: about 0.8 minutes

I like you. But I’m not sure that I can recommend you.

This, to me, is the key issue that people so enamored with networking events either ignore or don’t understand.

Don’t misunderstand me. I have met many people that I like at networking events.

That is not the issue.

But how many of these likeable people did I get to know well? Do I really understand what they can do so that I now feel confident in recommending them and their service or product? That is the issue.

Whether I like you depends on personality. Yours and mine. Many organizations take personality into account when they recruit. Some even run personality tests. Personality matters.

However, me recommending you depends on two factors. My understanding of your level of competence and my sense of your ability to contribute meaningfully.

No sane hiring manager will ignore meaningful competence in favor of simple liking. Why should I?

Welcome to my side of the nonsense divide.